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Classical Dilemma

17 March 2011

There is too much to say, to many things that were better left unsaid, that have to be left unsaid. There are some other things I would like to let go by saying.

It is the act of an ill-instructed man to blame others for his own bad condition; it is the act of one who has begun to be instructed to lay the blame on himself; and of one whose instruction has been completed, neither to blame another nor himself. Epictetus

I had the tendency to keep blaming, not only others, but circumstances. Perhaps that makes me non-instructed. Over time, I have learnt to accept and take responsibility for my actions, learn from the consequences to inform future decisions. I grew up in what I see as a very spiritual and moral home. Everything I experienced outside the home, I openly shared with my parents. This has been very helpful. Now, it has put me in a classical dilemma; between my heart and my family (authority and obeisance)
Now what! A girl and I met each other at a wedding. She foreknew me through information fed to her by my cousin. She has a crush. I develop a restricted liking for her. The restriction is from a church doctrine; that members should marry each other. It is supported with a Bible event that Abraham asked his servant to swear to him never to find a wife from their immediate surroundings for Isaac. I agree with this doctrine. An event causes us (my nuclear family) to ‘defect’ to another church with the same doctrine. We defect again and join a charismatic church; where there is apparent diversity.
I speak to my dad about the special feeling I have for this girl I met through my cousin. A feeling I have never felt for any of the girls who have crossed my path. He gives me a ‘facial’ approval of my thinking on a certain premise I am unable to disclose because of regrets I am trying to recover from.
He speaks to her to build rapport. He confesses at one time after seeing her parents’ pictures that “I like this family. The father is a great man”. I am delighted. I think I have cleared a major hurdle. I go ahead to announce this breakthrough to the girl who has had her share of a dysfunctional relationship. So she is careful to accept, and prposes that we pray about it and look for a ‘sign’.
Over a period of about four months, contact is re-established and further rapport is built. Then there is a physical blow; phone talk with a girl who is not a wife is a form of fornication. This is ignored because I know our set boundaries. I go ahead to honour an invitation to meet her parents after an initial ‘boycott’.  It goes well; family appears friendly. This my dad describes as ‘foul play’; Isaac never met Rebecca‘s parents.
My dad shares his case about how he met mum. When they met for the first time, he saw a halo around her, and heard a voice that confirmed that “she was the one”.
Dad‘s just completed the “School of Wisdom” where he underwent a preliminary course to Theology. He says that, a careful analysis (of THE GIRL) reveals that “she is not in my (Dad’s) group of elements”. Throughout all of this talk, I have been silent. I had seen in a quote that the word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”. This was a major test of my listening (and silent’ing’) skills. Then the blow that broke the camel’s back… “Cut her off!”.
This lands me right on the borderline.. and my loved one far away. Tears begin to form in my mind’s eye, and wondering if my life is for rent; and saving God, if my life is truly mine. I hear my parents call me but I would like to be with her. I have not yet taken a side, but either side can lose. My head is spinning round and the way is clear to me. So I take temporary solace in Chris De Burgh’s chorus;

I believe that time will show,
She will always be a part of my world,
I don’t want to see her go;
So I plead my case to hear the heart,
And stay…
It’s time to let her go – I don’t want to let her go…
It’s time to let her go – I don’t want to let her go…
It’s time to let her go – I don’t want to let her go…
It’s time to let her go…
And in this classical dilemma,
I find for – the heart

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